The final countdown …

Oops, I’ve done it (yet) again!

And once again I make no apologies! Life in GGHQ has changed radically over the past months. A long-held dream came true at the end of December when the three Junior GGs were removed from school and our family started the adventure of home education. Whilst I expected HE life to be busy and full-on (it was anyway!) I had no idea it would be quite so all-consuming … and I couldn’t be happier!

So, rather than drag on the Love Dare for Parents for ever I have decided to use this post to cover the last three dares. I enjoyed reading each of them, they gave me pause for thought as they encouraged me to look ahead to the, rapidly approaching, future.

The titles of the last three days of the Love Dare are: Love Liberates, Love Never Fails and Love Leaves a Legacy.

Love liberates! That’s not an easy thought … just this weekend the youngest of the Junior GGs has gone off to BB camp. It is the first time he has been away without any of us with him. Other years at BB camp he’s had his dad or brothers around. I don’t like it. Not a bit. My world feels all wrong without all my chicks and Mr GG around me. I know I have to get used to the thought of my sons leaving home and moving on in the world but, oh dear, I don’t like it!

When the Junior GGs were tiny I used to take them along to a toddler group. Quite honestly, I found it one of the hardest things to do … I knew many of the other parents but I find groups of people quite intimidating and often end up wandering about on the outskirts trying to think of a way to join in conversations … I’m painfully shy and unconfident … something I think some people who know me don’t realise because, like many others, I try to hide it. Anyway, this isn’t about me … the toddler group was all about my sons … I knew that it was good for them to be amongst other children and I did find it helpful at times.

One of the things I remember clearest was an older mother saying that our role as parents was to spend eighteen years preparing our children to live independently of us and that no matter how much we prepared our children we were never quite prepared ourselves.

Eighteen years seemed like nothing to worry about as I sat holding my teeny tiny son in my arms, cuddling him extra close because I couldn’t imagine ever reaching the stage of him wanting to live independently of me.

And yet, here I am, more than fourteen years have passed in a flash!

The Dare for day 38 was to give an added responsibility or privilege to each child. I’m pleased to say that, in their own ways, the boys are quite independent. From cooking to dealing with laundry to emptying bins to shopping … each one of the boys has his own strengths which we encourage whilst gently persuading him to try tasks that he is maybe not quite so adept at. I guess, my aim is that the house could run as efficiently with or without Mr GG and I at the helm. I’m not quite at the stage of wanting to give it a go though … one step at a time!

In Day 39 we are reminded that love never fails. I have often felt overwhelmed when looking at my sons at the strength of love I feel for them. I guess that was exhibited quite recently when one of my sons was being picked on by some kids at a local shopping centre … there is nothing quite like the passion of a mama tiger! And yet, my love pales into insignificance when compared with how much God loves the boys. Wow! I can’t imagine anyone loving my boys more fiercely than I do. I can’t imagine anyone taking more delight in them, treasuring their hugs, their love, their individuality more than I do … but God does.

Another thing that often challenges me is, not only my unconditional love for my children but their unrelenting love for me. When I yell because they’ve forgotten to put a sock in the laundry or something equally ludicrous, instead of saying thank you that they actually put the laundry on to wash … well, it’s not a proud moment … but, when I go back and say sorry I am never greeted with anything less than a hug, an “It’s OK Mum”, an “I love you”… they love me and accept my flaws, that doesn’t change! Wow again!!!

So, the challenge for Day 39 is to reflect on God’s love for you and consider that as much as you love your children, God loves them even more. Then, to tell your children that you love them, no matter what. What a fantastic dare! Tell your children you love them … don’t assume that they know because of your actions (though those are important) … sometimes it means more than you can ever realise just to hear “I love you, just as you are” from your parents.

Finally we reach Day 40, Love Leaves a Legacy, the last day of our journey. I love this quote so much:

‘There are no ‘perfect parents’ – only good men and women who love their children to the very end.’ (The Love Dare for Parents, Kendrick Brother Production, 2013, p196)

That’s me! I’m not perfect, never will be but I am passionate about being a mother. It’s a role I don’t take for granted. I’m grateful for the children that God has given me … those here with me now and those that are safe in heaven. My role as mother is one of the highest callings God could have given me … what a privilege.

I think this whole book has been about leaving a legacy for my children, however, the final challenge of the book is to read Psalm 71:18 and write a legacy letter sharing my faith, values, love for my sons and hopes for God’s blessings on them and their children after them. I’ve not written mine yet, but I will … and I hope that my sons are aware of the contents already.

So even to old age and grey hairs,
O God, do not forsake me,
until I proclaim your might to another generation,
your power to all those to come.
Psalm 71:18

So, our journey through the Love Dare for Parents has ended. Thank you for bearing with me … a book which should have taken 40 days ended up taking two years!

I’m planning passing on this book to another Mum I know who sees motherhood as a high calling from God (you know who you are!). I’ll be back, eventually, to work through a wonderful book which I’ve recently read … ‘The Lifegiving Home’ by Sally Clarkson … it’s part of a trilogy of books, well recommended!

 

 

 

Naomi Mizon is a participant in the Amazon EU Associates Programme, an affiliate advertising programme designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.co.uk

 

Friday … at last!

In my last blog post I mentioned that this week was anti-bullying week.  Son No3 duly went to school in his odd socks …  

This week also ends with Children in Need … a really worthy cause and something that most children love supporting.  All three Junior GGs have gone off to school in casual clothes.  This pleases me not least because it means a couple less white shirts to wash this week! 

The boys all had to pay to dress down and there are different things going on in school throughout the day.  However, Children in Need day comes with an element of fear for one of the Junior GGs who has a phobia of anyone dressed up … last year we unwittingly walked into one of our local supermarkets to be greeted by someone dressed as Pudsy which resulted in him bolting out in terror … this year said boy refuses to go into any shop before Mr GG or I have checked it’s clear of danger!

Ah yes, it’s been a quick week, this post should really have been written a good few days ago but time left me behind.  It’s been a week of meetings with teachers, psychologists and other professionals … weeks like that, I find, are exhausting both mentally and emotionally.  It’s been a week of decisions too and changes are afoot within GGHQ … watch this space for more news in the next few weeks!

So, Day 35 of the Love Dare for Parents is all about love rejoicing in the truth and it uses the words of Proverbs 11:19 to guide our thinking.  I feel challenged as a Christian mum as to what I praise my children for.  Am I as quick to praise my children for walking in God’s ways?  Or am I quicker to praise them when they get good results from school, or do well in a race?  I’ve always tried to encourage my boys, I don’t know if they would say the same especially when I’m asking them for the 8 millionth time to tidy their rooms (maybe a slight exaggeration … or, on second thoughts, maybe not).

I’ve said many times that my desire for each one of the Junior GGs is that he grows up to become a man of God, someone who’s heart is focussed on doing what God wants him to do.  I really hope that I’m encouraging these traits in my sons, encouraging them in their spiritual journey and not hindering them.  I hope that I set an example to them that is good and God-honouring and not nagging and grumpy.

The dare for today is to identify a Godly trait in my sons then find a Bible verse which encourages them.  I’ve not completely done it yet.  I will though.  It’s a dare which I’m enjoying, I like the idea of finding a verse of Scripture for each child which I can use to encourage him. 

And in the meantime, I’ll be making a concerted effort to make sure that I practise encouraging the boys both for their positive personality traits (of which there are many … I’m a biased mum!) as well as their achievements.  [Whilst writing this I received an email with yet another positive referral from school for one of the Junior GGs … proud Mum]

So, onwards towards the weekend … Friday night is a busy night in GGHQ and we have no great plans for the weekend but it is time spent together … family time both with our biological family but also with our church family … something I never fail to look forward to.

Happy weekend one and all!

 

Old, old photo but I love it … time with my Junior GGs is always special.

 

Count your blessings …

You know those weekends that pass far too quickly but are filled with lots of happy memories?  Yes?  Well, this past weekend was one of them!  Happy times with my favourite GGs.  There were, of course, the usual sibling squabbles and not everyone was exactly delighted when we went out for an exploring walk on Saturday afternoon but it was a happy weekend nonetheless.  A weekend balanced with time at home, time outside in the fresh aid and time spent with our church family learning, praising and spending time together.

Last night in church our pastor, at the end of the service, used the priestly blessing (Numbers 6: 24-26): 

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face towards you and give you peace.

As Andrew said those words I thought of my boys and was struck by how that is my prayer for them.  In life I want the best for my sons, I want them to be happy, to be content in the careers they choose, to marry and have children, to live full and happy lives but most of all I want them to know the peace of God, to know and understand what God has done for them, to be his children.

Now, when I was thinking all this I had not read the Love Dare for today!  Honestly!!

After the calm of the weekend today was one of those days where I got up this morning feeling overwhelmed by the length of the to-do list and the lack of time to complete it.  Writing a blog post was one of the things that I thought would get pushed to another day but … well … when I read through Day 33 as I ate my lunch I realised that I had to post today after all.

You see, today’s Dare is entitled Love Blesses and the Scripture reference is, you’ve guessed it, the priestly blessing (also known as the Aaronic Blessing as it was given to Aaron to pass on to the Israelites). 

The Dare begins with explaining what a blessing actually is:

‘To bless someone actually means ‘to speak well of’.  It’s a parent using their God-given authority to verbally affirm their children for who they are, while also encouraging and inspiring them towards future success.’ (Love Dare for Parents, Kendrick, B&H Publishing Group, 2013, p161).

I often speak of my sons as being gifts from God, blessings that he has given me.  But reading the definition from the Love Dare seemed different so I googled the word ‘blessing’ to find out more. 

Good old Google gave me a few different definitions including the one above but also, ‘a beneficial thing for which one is grateful’!  Phew!

So, the dare for today is write a blessing for each of the Junior GGs thinking of now and looking ahead. 

Our meal is going to be late this evening but I’ve written out the blessings and will read them to the boys (if they haven’t eaten the table first because I’ve dilly dallied so long … boys are ALWAYS hungry!) … and here they are:

Son No1 – You are so special, your birth turned me into a Mum and you bear all my parenting mistakes with a hug and a kiss.  You make people smile and feel welcome … you never pass anyone you know, whether old or young, teacher or pupil, without greeting them and, if you can, you always use someone’s name … that makes people feel loved.  You have a real talent when it comes to music, your ability to play by ear amazes me and it surprises me sometimes that you don’t realise just how good you are.  I truly believe that your future lies within the music industry in some way if that is the path you choose to take.

Son No2 – My precious boy.  You have an infectious laugh and it is one of the sweetest sounds to hear you laughing and chuckling as you watch something or talk with one of your brothers.  Life is so hard for you in so many ways but you are a warrior, you may worry but you overcome far more obstacles that you ever let beat you.  I love how fascinated you are with food.  I love that you will experiment and try new foods and that you like to cook whenever you have the opportunity.  My clever son, you can do whatever you set your mind to, even if your route may be a little bit different to that of some other people.  Be yourself, shine as you are.

Son No3 – My star.  Your caring heart is beautiful to watch.  It fills me with delight to see you working out ideas to make life easier for other people.  Your compassion when gathering together items for the shoebox appeal was heart-melting.  You have a real gift for drama despite your reluctance to show it … you have a talent for mimicking accents and copying how people speak and have an air of comedy about you.  I love to curl up and read stories with you.  The world is out there waiting for you … I honestly believe you are capable of anything you put your mind to!  Keep smiling because seeing your smile can cheer me up on the hardest day.

My sons, I give thanks to God every day for you.  I thank him for giving me the privilege of being your mum, for having the joy (yes, even on those really awful days) of parenting you and teaching you.  I’m thankful for the family we are … you, me, Dad … we are all meant to be together, we are Team GG.  I pray for each one of you every day and my heart’s desire is that each one of you comes to love God and lives your life doing what he wants you to do.  I love you.

Facing life’s challenges

Ach, here I am again … too much dithering about and not enough writing … this Love Dare is taking me a lifetime to complete … or, at least, around the lifetime of an octopus (trying to be educational, hahaha!).

The past days, weeks, months have been, as I’ve said before, the most challenging Mr GG and I have faced.  There have been more times than I can remember when I have fallen down exhausted, crying out before God to give me the patience I need to become the mother my sons need.  I’ve been exhausted by the relentless obstacles that seem to be thrown in our direction, by the continual demands on our emotional and physical strength, by meetings which we prepare for in one way and then they go off in a completely different direction, from conversations with professionals who don’t actually “know” my Junior GGs the way that Mr GG and I do, from finding myself in situations where I’m trying to explain to the un-understanding why my sons sometimes behave in particular ways.  I’ve had periods of time where I have chosen to distance myself from the world, to step back and focus on my relationship with God, on me, Mr GG and our Juniors … time that I have desperately needed to take before falling to pieces completely.

Autism is not a straight forward path and as the boys get older they are more and more aware of differences between them and their peers.  Sometimes they struggle and beg Mr GG and I to help them stop being autistic.  I hate that.  I hate that they can be so unhappy with who they are (but can totally relate to how they feel … I see so much of myself in them) … they are, each one, awesome, clever, funny, caring, loving, talented and, oh, so handsome. 

During a recent conversation with one of the boys we were talking about how life has changed from the ‘olden days’ (when I was a child – thanks boys!) and how I remember children from my class in primary school who, looking back, had definite autistic traits, but who were sent to be taught in a ‘remedial’ class.  How thankful I am that things have changed … my Junior GGs went to a fantastic primary school where they were nurtured and accepted as they are.  I’m thankful too that, at our lovely church, the boys are known and loved and their quirks are accepted.

I truly believe that God doesn’t make mistakes.  As a parent struggling with going through the diagnosis process (and even since) people used to say to me things like ‘God only gives children with extra needs to people he knows will cope’ or (even worse) ‘Only special people have children with special needs’.  Comments like that never, ever helped me, they only gave me a desire to bop the speaker on the nose (which I never did!) BUT I am convinced that the family God gave me is the family I was always meant to have and that my boys are exactly the way God wants them to be.

As a child (maybe 11-13, certainly no older) I was given a book by a lovely family friend.  At the time of giving me the book she said that it wasn’t the book she’d planned to give me but she hoped I’d like it.  It was a book called ‘Simple Simon‘ (thankfully eventually renamed as ‘In a Summer Garment’) telling the story of the author’s son who had autism.  The book fascinated me and I re-read it several times over the years.  Later on, in my 20s, I was attending a city church where there was a family who had a son with autism … he couldn’t cope with sitting in church so a group of us would take it in turns looking after him during the service … he was a delight and I learned so very much from him.  It’s only in recent days that it has really struck home to me that God was preparing me for being a mother, right back in my pre-teen days and in the years inbetween.  Mr GG and I maybe had to wait for the right time for us to marry and then face heartbreak before becoming parents but God has prepared and equipped us for the role that he has given us. 

This is Day 30 of the Love Dare for Parents (more like Day 700 in reality) and today’s reading starts with one of the verses that I have clung to as a mother, and especially, in those pre-school days.  Isaiah 40:11 says ‘He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.’  That verse gave me so much hope and still does now … yes, my young aren’t quite so young now but I’m so aware that God is leading me and carrying my children close to his heart.

The subject for today is shepherding the hearts of our children, how we help them face disappointment, heartbreak, bereavement and, well, the difficulties of life. 

On first reading my initial thought was ‘it doesn’t apply to us’ as, other than the very real pain of facing the death of pets, the boys have not really experienced bereavement in their lifetimes.  However, they have faced disappointments and hurts and rejection by peers.  And it is never easy!

I’ve written before about a time when one of my Junior GGs was being bullied and what a challenge it was for me to forgive the bully long after my son had forgiven and forgotten.  That incident was not the only occasion when we have had to deal with bullying so, yes, my children have, like most others, certainly faced hard times.

At home, around our table and around the house we regularly talk about different issues that the boys are facing … sometimes they struggle to articulate what they want to say and retreat into themselves but Mr GG and I have learned to recognise the signs (mostly) and try to encourage them to talk as best they can.  Children don’t always communicate with words and sometimes we have to be quite creative to get a story from the boys.

Every child faces struggles, every child will have to face bereavement, cope with being rejected, have a broken heart, be mis-represented or betrayed at some stage in their lives.  It’s a sad fact that life is so incredibly difficult at times and we, as parents, have a responsibility to lovingly teach them how to cope with the obstacles they face. 

The Dare for today is to talk about John 16:32-33 and Romans 8:28-39 with our children and help to encourage them to hold on to those words when they face hard times.  They are verses I have turned to so often myself, maybe especially the ones in Romans and my prayer is that, as my boys grow up, they learn to love and cherish and learn from the Word of God just like their parents and grandparents.

So, yes, I’ve struggled over the past months, but I’ve learned too and been reassured in so many ways that God is with me, giving me the strength and patience that I need.  I’ve so much more to learn as a parent, my role changes from day to day as the boys grow up, mature and face new challenges.  I’m a blessed mother, I’m thankful for all that I have been given, even on the days when I feel like I’m clinging to my sanity purely by my pinkie!

 

Be patient with me, I’m a work in progress

I’m trying to do everything today.  I’ve made a completely unrealistically long to do list and, so far, I’ve been distracted, I’ve procrastinated, I’ve taken one or two coffee breaks (well tea!) and now I’m determined to, at least, get my blog written before lunch.  The motivation (or lack of) today is the fact that I’m scheduled to have surgery on my hand on Tuesday, nothing major but it means that I’ll be restricted in how much I can do for a wee while after.  I’m not worried about the surgery, not at all, but I’m very worried at the thought of being awake for it, being able to hear the surgeon cutting and poking around in my hand *shiver*.  The Junior GGs have a mixed reaction to the whole thing – one boy is worried and anxious (as is his wont) whereas his brother has asked me to get photos of my hand when it’s cut open.  One thing is for sure, I’ll be well looked after by them all afterwards.

So, here we are at Day 26 of the Love Dare for Parents.  In reality I’m probably at Day 450 or something as I’ve taken so many breaks but slowly I’m making my way through the book.  I’ve a whole pile of books to read so I’m hoping that next week I’ll get lots of reading done while I’m “resting” (or learning to delegate!).

Today the focus of the Love Dare turns towards my relationship with God and how I’m displaying it to the boys. 

I make no apologies for calling myself a Child of God, I make no apologies for loving God, giving thanks for Jesus and am grateful for the privilege of being part of a loving, vibrant Church family.  But, this quote tells how I feel far more eloquently than I ever could.  This is what I’m saying when I say I’m a Christian … I don’t have all the answers, I’m not saying I’m perfect (anyone who knows me knows just how laughable that idea is) and I’m not trying to look good.  I have moments of doubt and times when I feel incredibly close to God.  There are times when I feel I’ve let God down so badly that I’ve blown it and yet I never, ever have.

A few days ago I was driving home with the Junior GGs and, as I sometimes do, I’d taken us on a roundabout route because I wanted to see the hills.  There’s something special about hills and mountains … they are never the same from one day to the next … there’s always something new to look at.  I can’t help but think of God when I look at the hills.  I just can’t stop giving thanks for the Creator who made this amazing world for us to live in … there is so much beauty in creation.

Anyway, as we drove, I asked one of the boys to plug my phone in to charge.  For some reason (technology baffles me) music started playing … one of my favourite songs … MercyMe “Flawless”.  I love the words of the song … it reminds me of all the God has done for me, every time I hear it and it comforts me. 

But what about the example I’m setting to the boys?  From the moment I found out I was pregnant with each of the boys I’ve prayed for them.  I don’t care if they grow up to be doctors, or astronauts, or cars (that was seriously the ambition of one of them at one point) … I only want them to be happy and, more importantly, to have a real, living relationship with God.  As a mother, I find it so hard to be an example to my children.  The people that see me out and about see part of me but the Junior GGs and Mr GG … well they see the crabby, grumpy, impatient side of me that I save for them just because I love them.  Crazy isn’t it?  My relationship with God is something that arises often in conversation with the boys.  I talk to them about prayer and remind them often that I pray for them.

I can’t and won’t try to guilt my children into loving God.  I can’t force them into a relationship with him.  But I pray that they see something of God in Mr GG and I and want that for themselves.  I was 18 when I became a Christian.  I grew up in a Christian home, in a pastor’s home and I was taught about God and the importance of a relationship with him from ever since I can remember but it was seeing a friend’s relationship with God that really touched me.  I’m thankful for the background I have … I’m thankful for my parents’ faithfulness in praying for me and for the teaching of my Dad … for the first 19 years of my life he was my pastor and I count that a gift from God.

One my “things” is practical Christianity.  I think most people who know me know that that’s my “thing”.  I’ve been given the privilege in my church of organising meals for families who need a bit of extra help … whether it’s because there’s a new baby in the family, or someone is ill, or for whatever reason.  The members of GGHQ are all used to us jumping in the car at teatime to deliver food to someone or pick up a meal that someone else has made and deliver it to the family it’s for.  There’s one day that stands out in my mind though … I was making a meal for someone and one of the boys came into the kitchen, sniffed longingly and said “What’s for tea?” as he gazed at the pots bubbling on the hob.  “Pizza” was my hassled reply.  His wee face dropped and it struck me there and then that I’d got it wrong.  I’d love to say that I swapped things round and sent pizza to the recipients but I honestly can’t remember … however, I promised myself that day that I wouldn’t neglect my own family when I was looking after others, that I’d show practical Christianity at home as well as outside.

The dare today was to think about my relationship with God and talk with my children about it.  I try, everyday I try to be an example to my sons, to show them the love of God … I’ve been given this amazing gift and I know God is helping me as I parent and guide my sons … I’m a work in progress, but I’m thankful to be on this journey.

 

 

Back again!

Phew!  A few weeks ago I made a promise to myself that I’d make it back to my blog before the start of 2017 … there are still a few hours left in the year so I’ve just made it.  I’m sorry for my absence, I let life overtake for a while and neglected the opportunities to write, the intention was there but the reality is I never quite made the time.  I have also neglected the Love Dare for Parents … but I’ve not neglected trying to improve as a parent … it may be that the Junior GGs say I need to keep working on that ;-)!  I can never allow myself to stop growing as a parent for as the boys grow the needs and challenges of parenting change, seemingly daily.

All is well in GGHQ, the boys are thriving and Mr GG is working hard as always.  Lots has been going on and 2016 has pretty much disappeared in a blur as we whizzed through it.  GGHQ is undergoing a facelift to help us all fit in to our home better … the building work is pretty much complete and now the decorating is a work in progress.  Mr GG has worked his wee socks off getting rooms finished for Son No2 and Son No3 … Son No1 is happy that his room is next on the list and hasn’t complained once that he is sleeping in a decorator’s paradise.  We bought a wee piece of land at the side of our house so have made a garden extension … I’m hoping that Mr GG will be agreeable to a few chickens joining the family … maybe the lure of fresh eggs will be the key!

So, back to the Love Dare.  It felt like picking up with an old friend today when I sat down to read.  I enjoyed blogging about my journey through the book and deliberately set it aside when I stopped blogging so that I could continue from the same place. 

Today’s subject is respect for authority and teaching our children to respect not only the authority we have as parents but also the authority of others – teachers, leaders etc.  Just recently the pastor of our church has undertaken a series on The Ten Commandments.  I’ve really enjoyed the series but missed a couple of weeks due to ill or stressed sons.  So, I missed the Sunday when he preached on the fifth commandment where we are commanded to honour our parents.  To my shame, I’ve had plenty of time to listen to the sermon online (http://gracechurchlarbert.org/resources/ten-commandments) but, as yet, I’ve not … maybe that can be a goal for 2017!

I admit I think a lot about my role as a mother.  I often feel overwhelmed by the responsibility that I’ve been given (along with Mr GG) to parent these amazing and unique children.  I make mistakes often in my parenting but I try to be a good mum and, I think, overall, I make a good effort.  BUT, I honestly don’t know that I give much thought to my attitude towards those in authority over me.  I’ve been reminded that showing respect to those in authority is honouring to God.  Maybe another goal for 2017 can be considering my attitude to those in authority … and trying to improve where it maybe falls down.  After all, the Junior GGs are still watching my every move and learning from it … as they grow they are looking to others as examples as well but I have a duty to make sure the example I set is a good one.

Well, it’s time to go and finish de-Christmassing GGHQ for another year … and time to start a new year.    This past year has been full of highs and lows, of encouragements and disappointments, of friends going and new friends being made, of cake (and lots of it) and of continuing to grow as a child of God.  I’m excited to see what God has in store for us in 2017.

Happy New Year one and all – from all at GGHQ (cats, hamsters, guinea pigs, boys, parents).

 

 

It must be love …

It’s a gloomy day in GGHQ … the holidays have ended and the Junior GGs are back to school.  For one boy in particular this is a day he has been worrying about since the last day of term.  I find it heartbreaking (as would any parent) to see him so anxious and worried … my scampering, feisty, lovable, giggling, chatty boy retreats into his shell as we get nearer to school each day and doesn’t really appear again until he gets back to the safety of home.  I find it sad that his teachers don’t really see the real boy … he doesn’t misbehave in school, he sits quietly and does his work which is great … but they’re missing out on the character that we have the privilege of knowing at home. 

As a parent I don’t believe I’m alone in questioning decisions and doubting myself at times … when the boys were little I often thought I would love to home-school them.  For a number of reasons Mr GG and I decided not to go down the home-school route, not least because of the social difficulties our children have … we felt that there was a danger they could become more isolated and even less able to interact socially.  Were we right?  I honestly don’t know.  Watching my lad struggle more at school as each year passes I question our decision.  I miss the boys dreadfully when they go back to school after holidays … that first day I always feel at a loose end and as if something is missing (it is … three rambunctious, noisy, crashing boys) … the house is too quiet (although today Mr GG is working from home which helps) … I’m constantly clock-watching until I go to collect the youngest two (only 38 minutes to go).

However, on the positive side, for me at least, I’m able to concentrate once more on the Love Dare.  The book had been set aside during the holidays so that I could fully concentrate on GG Family Time … and I wasn’t disappointed!

Today’s subject is love.  It’s an interesting subject isn’t it … love manifests itself in so many ways … I feel love towards my friends which is totally different to the love I feel for Mr GG which, again, is totally different for the love I feel for each of the Junior GGs. 

I well remember feeling a bit panicky at times just before Son No1 was born and worrying that I wouldn’t be able to love a child (I’m a bit of a worrier, just like my lad).  I also clearly remember the first time I saw him … I wasn’t overwhelmed with a feeling of love but rather a feeling of “So, who are you then?” as I looked at him.  Quite possibly the drugs that I’d been fed at the birth had an impact on me because I was really quite numb (and exhausted) but there is certainly no doubt that the love I feel now for Son No1 and Sons No2&3 is absolutely overwhelming and real.  Not so long ago I was reading about Jacob & Esau with the boys and we were talking about how Jacob was Rachel’s favourite son, I (slightly foolishly) asked the boys which one of them I loved most … I was heartened that they all immediately replied “None, you love us all the same” … phew!

Anyway, back to the love we have as parents for our children.  It’s immense!  I can’t imagine anyone loving my boys the way I do … feeling that rush of protection for them … hurting when they hurt … bursting with pride over the slightest thing they do … crying inside when I realise how much the world can hurt them … desiring only good for them … striving to teach them well … melting when they’ve had a horrendously naughty day but look so angelic when they’re sleeping … I could go on …

Yet, the Bible tells me that God loves them even more than me.  The Bible also tells me that God knows my boys better than I do and desires good for them even more than I do … I have to say that blows my mind and fries my wee brain … and makes me thankful. 

I’d like to quote today’s Dare in full … I love it:

“If possible, remind your children today that “God is love” (1 John 4:16) and that he deeply loves them.  Pray with them that they will always know they can call on him as their loving, heavenly Father and pray for yourself, that God will help you receive his love for you and make you a channel of his love to your children (John 15:9).”  (Stephen & Alex Kendrick, The Love Dare for Parents, B & H Publishing Group, p74)

I began by mentioning the worries my son has about school.  His worries aren’t only limited to school … anything can cause him anxiety, the list grows, it seems, with every passing day.  One thing works with my lad.  Prayer.  When he is feeling anxious he likes us to pray with him, reminding him that God is with him, that God is always there for him to talk to.  Recently he has mentioned a few times that he doesn’t have any friends but then when I ask if he’d like friends he replies “No, it’s fine.  Jesus is my friend and he’s my best friend.”  I’d love my boy to have peer-friends and it hurts me to see him walking around the playground at school on his own but I’m learning that he’s content as he is.  I’ll never stop praying for my boys, I thank God for them every day and give thanks for the amazing family that I’m part of. 

Now, the 38 minutes have all but passed and it’s time to get my coat on and brave the rain to do the school run … in just a few minutes my home will be filled with noise once more … what could be better …