Facing life’s challenges

Ach, here I am again … too much dithering about and not enough writing … this Love Dare is taking me a lifetime to complete … or, at least, around the lifetime of an octopus (trying to be educational, hahaha!).

The past days, weeks, months have been, as I’ve said before, the most challenging Mr GG and I have faced.  There have been more times than I can remember when I have fallen down exhausted, crying out before God to give me the patience I need to become the mother my sons need.  I’ve been exhausted by the relentless obstacles that seem to be thrown in our direction, by the continual demands on our emotional and physical strength, by meetings which we prepare for in one way and then they go off in a completely different direction, from conversations with professionals who don’t actually “know” my Junior GGs the way that Mr GG and I do, from finding myself in situations where I’m trying to explain to the un-understanding why my sons sometimes behave in particular ways.  I’ve had periods of time where I have chosen to distance myself from the world, to step back and focus on my relationship with God, on me, Mr GG and our Juniors … time that I have desperately needed to take before falling to pieces completely.

Autism is not a straight forward path and as the boys get older they are more and more aware of differences between them and their peers.  Sometimes they struggle and beg Mr GG and I to help them stop being autistic.  I hate that.  I hate that they can be so unhappy with who they are (but can totally relate to how they feel … I see so much of myself in them) … they are, each one, awesome, clever, funny, caring, loving, talented and, oh, so handsome. 

During a recent conversation with one of the boys we were talking about how life has changed from the ‘olden days’ (when I was a child – thanks boys!) and how I remember children from my class in primary school who, looking back, had definite autistic traits, but who were sent to be taught in a ‘remedial’ class.  How thankful I am that things have changed … my Junior GGs went to a fantastic primary school where they were nurtured and accepted as they are.  I’m thankful too that, at our lovely church, the boys are known and loved and their quirks are accepted.

I truly believe that God doesn’t make mistakes.  As a parent struggling with going through the diagnosis process (and even since) people used to say to me things like ‘God only gives children with extra needs to people he knows will cope’ or (even worse) ‘Only special people have children with special needs’.  Comments like that never, ever helped me, they only gave me a desire to bop the speaker on the nose (which I never did!) BUT I am convinced that the family God gave me is the family I was always meant to have and that my boys are exactly the way God wants them to be.

As a child (maybe 11-13, certainly no older) I was given a book by a lovely family friend.  At the time of giving me the book she said that it wasn’t the book she’d planned to give me but she hoped I’d like it.  It was a book called ‘Simple Simon‘ (thankfully eventually renamed as ‘In a Summer Garment’) telling the story of the author’s son who had autism.  The book fascinated me and I re-read it several times over the years.  Later on, in my 20s, I was attending a city church where there was a family who had a son with autism … he couldn’t cope with sitting in church so a group of us would take it in turns looking after him during the service … he was a delight and I learned so very much from him.  It’s only in recent days that it has really struck home to me that God was preparing me for being a mother, right back in my pre-teen days and in the years inbetween.  Mr GG and I maybe had to wait for the right time for us to marry and then face heartbreak before becoming parents but God has prepared and equipped us for the role that he has given us. 

This is Day 30 of the Love Dare for Parents (more like Day 700 in reality) and today’s reading starts with one of the verses that I have clung to as a mother, and especially, in those pre-school days.  Isaiah 40:11 says ‘He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.’  That verse gave me so much hope and still does now … yes, my young aren’t quite so young now but I’m so aware that God is leading me and carrying my children close to his heart.

The subject for today is shepherding the hearts of our children, how we help them face disappointment, heartbreak, bereavement and, well, the difficulties of life. 

On first reading my initial thought was ‘it doesn’t apply to us’ as, other than the very real pain of facing the death of pets, the boys have not really experienced bereavement in their lifetimes.  However, they have faced disappointments and hurts and rejection by peers.  And it is never easy!

I’ve written before about a time when one of my Junior GGs was being bullied and what a challenge it was for me to forgive the bully long after my son had forgiven and forgotten.  That incident was not the only occasion when we have had to deal with bullying so, yes, my children have, like most others, certainly faced hard times.

At home, around our table and around the house we regularly talk about different issues that the boys are facing … sometimes they struggle to articulate what they want to say and retreat into themselves but Mr GG and I have learned to recognise the signs (mostly) and try to encourage them to talk as best they can.  Children don’t always communicate with words and sometimes we have to be quite creative to get a story from the boys.

Every child faces struggles, every child will have to face bereavement, cope with being rejected, have a broken heart, be mis-represented or betrayed at some stage in their lives.  It’s a sad fact that life is so incredibly difficult at times and we, as parents, have a responsibility to lovingly teach them how to cope with the obstacles they face. 

The Dare for today is to talk about John 16:32-33 and Romans 8:28-39 with our children and help to encourage them to hold on to those words when they face hard times.  They are verses I have turned to so often myself, maybe especially the ones in Romans and my prayer is that, as my boys grow up, they learn to love and cherish and learn from the Word of God just like their parents and grandparents.

So, yes, I’ve struggled over the past months, but I’ve learned too and been reassured in so many ways that God is with me, giving me the strength and patience that I need.  I’ve so much more to learn as a parent, my role changes from day to day as the boys grow up, mature and face new challenges.  I’m a blessed mother, I’m thankful for all that I have been given, even on the days when I feel like I’m clinging to my sanity purely by my pinkie!